It's Never Too Late to Grow Up

Every month, I evolve into quite a mess of panic and shame when I start trying to make it to the next payday with my bills. I was raised in a family where we bought whatever we wanted when we wanted it - whether or not we had the money. 


When I was in college, I left many, many messages on my parents' answering machine asking for money. I was really good at calling them during the times when I knew they would not be available. This way I could leave them a message instead of having to talk to my dad directly. My dad always gave me a stern look and a deliberate reprimand about how I was spending money quicker than he would like. At the same time, he never said no. 

Oh Shit!

That element of being bailed out by my dad throughout my childhood, throughout college, and even when I was getting my feet on the ground as a professional, turned out to be one of the worst things that my dad could ever have done for me. Ultimately, he was enabling in me some really bad behaviors. I got to a point, even as an adult, where I believed that it was other people's responsibility for bailing me out of my bad decisions. So, here I am in my late 40s, in debt, and last week I threw a holy tantrum over the fact that my husband is not interested in helping me pay down that debt.

Some of you might think poorly of him for not helping me, but the truth is, he is not responsible for that debt. There have been times where the both of us have been responsible for incurring debt, and he has been the one to pay it off. But these debts, these debts are mine alone. 

And as much as it doesn't feel very loving when somebody is not giving you something that you feel you desperately need and maybe even deserve, it's actually not very loving at all to prevent somebody from being responsible for their own lives. It suggests that a person is incapable of taking care of their own business. As much as I appreciate the help my dad gave me when I was younger, in a sense, part of what he was doing or rather saying was that I wasn't capable of handling my own finances. And ultimately, I grew up and continued to behave as though I was not capable of handling my own finances. 


Those early behaviors are what got me where I am now. So, after I dried my tears, and read 40 blogs about whether or not your spouse should pay off your debt for you, I came to the realization that I need to step up and be responsible here. Just think of the sense of accomplishment I'll feel when I pay down that last bill. And just so you don't think that my husband is a horrible monster, he and I have agreed that he's going to pick up some of the bills that I was paying for our children. Things like summer camp and music lessons. That will leave me some more expendable income to put towards these debts. 


One of the things that I've learn the most from this whole experience, especially with regards to my relationship, is that it's really important to talk about not just your personal finances with your significant other, but to really get into the details of how you were raised when it comes to money - the fears and shame that you attach to the way you spend money, and the future of what you want life to look like with regards to money. 


When J and I first got together, we did not have any of these discussions. Even when we got engaged and started planning our wedding, we did not have these discussions. It was only much later when the financial problems started to infringe on the other parts of our relationship, that we were forced to have some serious discussions about money - and they didn't go well.


Even if you don't have a significant other, I can promise you that you will be more successful in whatever you are pursuing in life, if you take a look at your own hang-ups, attitudes, and feelings about money. It's one of those things in our society that seems to be taboo to talk openly about. But I assure you, the sooner you talk openly about this, with yourself and other important people in your life, the happier you will be, and the more grown-up you'll be about your finances.

Does the world really need another blogger?

Of course, I know that your first reaction to this question is going to be a definitive no. At the end of 2016, a Blog aggregation statistics site published this fact:  440 million blogs in circulation.

With the world's 7.6 billion people, I sincerely believe that there's definitely room for more blogs.

This is a personal blog. These are my thoughts and ideas about a variety of topics. Love, sex, women, politics, my kids, and many other issues that I care deeply about. I see this is my chance to use one of my favorite methods, writing, to express some of the daily complications that arise in the span of everyday life.

Like many of you, when I was younger and looked up to my elders, it would not be a exaggeration to say that I thought women who were in their twenties were at least in their forties. But once you get to 40, you realize that life isn't nearly over yet. So this blog is about me, and my life, and the experiences that I've had, as well as the joys and pains that I find in living life in my late 40s. According to experts in the field of Child Development, I was supposed to grow up and become an adult in my middle to late teens. 


I chose a different route. I was close to 40 when things in my life started falling apart. The ways that I have grown and what I've learned in that process are the kinds of things that I will share with you, dear reader, on this blog. If you enjoy what you're reading, drop me a line sometime. Cheers!